I went out for a New Years beer and ended up discovering this great graffitied restroom at Done Right Inn.
There were a few decent words of wisdom written over these walls:
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Sex & The City’s Steve Brady (Miranda’s partner) is a lesbian
Whitney was wrong: it’s not right, AND it’s not ok
Don’t ever “agree to disagree”. Be a MAN or a woman and fight … for the right to paaaaartay
If only women were gravestones: then they’d never be told to turn their frown upside down
Men who finger bang will be condemned to come back as women who are finger banged
Piss in the fuckin’ toilet, douche
Plus there was a whole wall dedicated to an insightful Bukowski quote:
If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery, isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way.
Ho ho ho, it’s two days til Christmas AAAND Toilography turns six years old today! Happy holidays everyone!
Staple Montreal dive bar Foufounes Electriques absolutely delivers when it comes to grungy basement urinals
Jimmy Jazz was the final stop of my whirlwind tour of Guelph and I was very pleased with the quality of dive they had going on inside these dunnies. As avid Toilographers know, each time I come across heavily-graffitied washroom walls I like to take note of their many words of wisdom – there were certainly some philosophical & existential corkers here at the Jazz.
Education is a system of imposed ignorance. – N. Chomsky
It’s no good measure of health, to be found to be well-adjusted in a profoundly sick society. – J. Krishnamurti
The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. – Edward Bernays
Sorry, damaged my shitty hipster love in a car accident
– Dude, fuck off, you’re at the Jazz
– It’s ok, no one cares
– Here’s to the few who forgive what you do and the few who don’t even care
Antisocial behaviour is a trait of intelligence in a world full of conformists. – Nikola Tesla
Terrorism is the best political weapon for nothing drives people harder than a fear of sudden death… if you repeat a lie big enough, long enough and often enough then the people will eventually believe the lie. They are more likely to believe a big lie than a small one. – Adolph Hitler
Jimmy’s Jazz didn’t taste as good as my dads
– Multiple dads?
No doubt I’m cooler than your cooler full of Palm Bays
– But what about my fridge?
RIP Uncle Anus
Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all. – Aristotle
If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy…
If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing…
Blah blah. – Bob Marley
Watching TV is like taking black spray paint to your third eye. – Bill Hicks
I’m not taking a shit! I’m leaving one.
Fear is your only god!
– Except those who fear God
He who fucks nuns will later join the church. – J. Strummer
I’m in love with a ghost girl, all alone in a lonely world
There is a demon in me and I can’t separate my flesh so when it crawls onto you just know I want to hold my breath
– Give your balls a tug, make sure they’re still attached
This entire room used to be filled with intelligent, beautiful quotes. WTF, Jazz?
Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. – Martin Luther King
[Spoken in Spanish accent]
Amigo, there seems to be copious amounts of shite written on these walls by pseudo-intellectuals quoting famous people… which seems rather ironic to me since we’re in a room littered, literally, with a lot of written figurative shit.
I went to this bar Lola the other day in my beloved Kensington Market; the friendly bartender approved of my Halloween plans to dress as a slutty ghost and watch Rocky Horror.
Anyway… here are some words of wisdom from the Lola walls:
“Dead or alive, you are coming with me”
“Shithawk loves u”
“Just like the bleach on God’s teeth”
And the rather inspiring “Cease your fretting, you’re beautiful and flawless and all. Forget thy past, live for the moment, thrive for the future”
I was waiting in line to get in, finally the door opened and FOUR girls exited this cramped stall, I have no idea what they were doing in there or how they all fit inside. The last one laughed and said to me “there’s still one more to come!”
Anyway, there were a few good words of wisdom on the walls here at Solly’s, DC:
“Protest against the rising of conformity”
“And all the colors mix together to grey, and it breaks her heart” (Dave Matthews lyrics)
“We love them in leather, we love them in lace, we love them best when they sit on our face”
“Beaner sucks wiener”
“If you’re mad about Trump, remember that 2020 is far away”
“Shit on the floor”
And one for the readers out there, “The librarians rule the world”
On the way back to the train station I managed to duck into Ottobar for a quick peek at their impressive floor-to-ceiling graffitied restrooms. Now this is a cool room to relieve yourself in.
Thanks Baltimore for the stupendous shitters – I really wish I had more time to spend here, one day wasn’t enough. I might be back one day…
I was a few beers in by now and decided to pace myself by ordering a Sprite at the Cat’s Eye, to which the barmaid scoffed and refused to accept payment presumably out of sympathy.
The self-named Shit House Wall Of the Cat’s Eye Pub was brilliantly vulgar – one of the best I’d come across in ages – featuring poetry and other such words of wisdom including:
“While Your Reading This Your Probably Pissing On Your Shoes”
(yes, somebody had corrected the your’s)
“Eat Shit. 50 Trillion Flies Can’t Be Wrong“
“Snow On The Mountain, Smokes In The Grass
Old Man Died With A Cob In His Ass
Cob Fell Out And Wind Blew In
Old Man Came To Life Again“
“Shit Fuck Ass Turd“
“Tittys Tittys Tittys“
“There Was A Young Queen From Bulgaria
Whose Pussy Got Hairier And Hairier
Till The King From Peru
Stopped By For A Screw
Had To Hunt For Her Cunt With A Terrier“
Now go rinse your eyes out with soap
After concluding my two-day Washington DC toilet tour, I took the Amtrak up to Baltimore, armed with a wealth of restroom suggestions from the guys at /r/baltimore. With only a day to see the sights of the city I think I managed to squeeze in some pretty awesome attractions and toilets, starting with the #1 entry on my list which had the greatest response on Reddit, the Mount Royal Tavern. Apparently its toilets were super divey and it also had a ceiling painted like the Sistine Chapel.
I walked in around 10:30am and asked the bartender if they served any breakfast. A pint of beer and pack of Doritos later, I made friends with a regular (Greg, I think his name was) and told him of my plan to bar-hop Baltimore for the day, with the Mount Royal being first and most anticipated stop. The bartender was happy to hear this and kindly gave me a Mount Royal gift pack of a postcard, cooler & matchbox!
As for the restroom, it was just as I’d imagined:
Bonus pic of the Sistine Chapel artwork painted on the bar ceiling:
What a cool bar. I’m happy to report the rest of Baltimore lived up to high expectations as well.