Self-described as a neighborhood bar with cheap food, cheap booze & even cheaper company, Ivy And Coney certainly didn’t disappoint on the restroom front, featuring words of wisdom such as:
“Roses really smell like boo booooooo“
“I’m so DC I should be the logo“
– “because no-one else will, because you suck“
“Hope falls in colors circling round the faint idea of a conscience and the ethereal“
“Few displays on the human spirt can challenge the raw creativity of a black pen & a white wall”
Correction below – “Human SPIRIT“
“Sometimes people get confused when a sentence doesn’t end the way that they penis“
The duck hunter: “Do you like duck meat?”
His wife: “Yes”
The duck hunter: “Duck on down and get you some!”
“What if P Diddy was actually called Pete Diddy and we just misheard him and now he just goes with it because it is too late to correct everyone, but at night he goes home and cries and whispers to himself, ‘My name is Pete’“
“Of all the gin joint in the world you took a shit in this one“
One of my favourite Washington DC restroom suggestions from Reddit was for Jaleo, an inner-city Spanish tapas restaurant where you have your own cheer squad as you go about your business. Such fantastic toilet art – a truly novel idea. Plus the food here was second-to-none 😀
I was lucky enough to get onto the final tour of the day at the Capitol, then I strolled over to the Library of Congress via the tunnel to see if I was able to get in there. Tours had already finished for the day unfortunately but I at least figured the restrooms there would be nice. I wasn’t wrong.
Bonus photo of the ceiling of the main hall:
There were a couple of interesting & educational toilet-related exhibits waiting for me at the Smithsonian National Museum of American History
An historic house from the 1760’s that stood in Ipswich, Massachusetts, was taken apart in 1963 and reassembled in the museum, thanks to a group of concerned residents who didn’t want to see such a beautiful old structure go to waste. A three-part shed was added onto the house in the 1800’s, including this outhouse which remained in use until 1946:
Elsewhere in the museum I spied some more American toilet history in the form of this elaborate ceramic bowl circa 1900:
There were some very inspiring words of wisdom across the two deliciously graffitied washrooms at Washington DC’s Raven Grill:
“Stop smiling at my dog and ignoring me, you ass clown“
“The road to my ❤️ is paved in bourbon, butter and brown sugar“
“Drink whiskey, love people, hate people – but do it inside“
“All that matters is love & dick“
“Any time a woman asks for equality, she be met with violence“
“Tears make the worst lube“
And a stirring tribute to our ancestors, “RIP early humans 💔“
I think the Wonderland Ballroom in Columbia Heights was the 7th bar that I’d visited on this Friday night so I was starting to get a little tipsy. I’d heard of this venue through a popular online column called Dear John where an reviewer would rank different bars around town based on the quality of their restrooms. This bar had a particularly dirty mirror (-4 points) and an interesting public service announcement (+6 points) that I was quite curious to see.
There was again a lengthy lineup to use one of the three stalls. While I was waiting I had a deep chat to the girl in front of me about how gross it must be to clean these restrooms.
Yeah, the mirror was certainly dirty
And here’s the public service announcement I came to see, ha ha ha!
There were two bars at Red Derby on 14th St NW, the main room on the ground floor and a beer garden upstairs.
One of the two unisex stalls downstairs was out of order (=looong lineup) so I investigated the top floor first and was presented with a nicely decorated wall of celeb posters & photos:
Then I braved the lineup downstairs. It took around 15 minutes to get inside but it was worth the wait! Apologies to anyone behind me who was busting and needed to use the loo for a legit reason.
Lyman’s Tavern is a fun place. On the Friday night I was there I entered a long, thin room packed to the brim with a couple of hundred thirsty locals, many of whom were playing pinball & arcade games at the opposite end of the bar.
The fun stops in the bathroom though:
A pig on the wall at DC Reynolds along Georgia Ave NW