After concluding my two-day Washington DC toilet tour, I took the Amtrak up to Baltimore, armed with a wealth of restroom suggestions from the guys at /r/baltimore. With only a day to see the sights of the city I think I managed to squeeze in some pretty awesome attractions and toilets, starting with the #1 entry on my list which had the greatest response on Reddit, the Mount Royal Tavern. Apparently its toilets were super divey and it also had a ceiling painted like the Sistine Chapel.
I walked in around 10:30am and asked the bartender if they served any breakfast. A pint of beer and pack of Doritos later, I made friends with a regular (Greg, I think his name was) and told him of my plan to bar-hop Baltimore for the day, with the Mount Royal being first and most anticipated stop. The bartender was happy to hear this and kindly gave me a Mount Royal gift pack of a postcard, cooler & matchbox!
As for the restroom, it was just as I’d imagined:
Bonus pic of the Sistine Chapel artwork painted on the bar ceiling:
What a cool bar. I’m happy to report the rest of Baltimore lived up to high expectations as well.
“What a terrible mess I’ve made of my life“
The Smiths quote takes pride of place above the toilet at Sticky Rice in Baltimore
An old-school monster of a urinal at Bertha’s in Baltimore’s Fells Point. What a bulky piece of equipment this thing is.
A humorous sign for punters to read while they piss:
I was a few beers in by now and decided to pace myself by ordering a Sprite at the Cat’s Eye, to which the barmaid scoffed and refused to accept payment presumably out of sympathy.
The self-named Shit House Wall Of the Cat’s Eye Pub was brilliantly vulgar – one of the best I’d come across in ages – featuring poetry and other such words of wisdom including:
“While Your Reading This Your Probably Pissing On Your Shoes”
(yes, somebody had corrected the your’s)
“Eat Shit. 50 Trillion Flies Can’t Be Wrong“
“Snow On The Mountain, Smokes In The Grass
Old Man Died With A Cob In His Ass
Cob Fell Out And Wind Blew In
Old Man Came To Life Again“
“Shit Fuck Ass Turd“
“Tittys Tittys Tittys“
“There Was A Young Queen From Bulgaria
Whose Pussy Got Hairier And Hairier
Till The King From Peru
Stopped By For A Screw
Had To Hunt For Her Cunt With A Terrier“
Now go rinse your eyes out with soap
Named a finalist in this year’s America’s Best Restroom contest, I simply had to pay a visit to Baltimore ice creamery The Charmery to see its colourful aquatic-themed toilet for myself.
While I was there I tried a scoop of their goat cheese honey walnut – good stuff
One of the top suggestions for restrooms to visit in Baltimore was the Papermoon Diner in Remington. I really didn’t know what to expect here and was quite humoured to see such a colourful & unique building upon my approach:
Imagine my delight when I came across these numerous toilet gardens littered around the outer grounds of the diner:
A few bonus pics of the wacky interior:
Seriously, the Papermoon is one of the most interesting and unique venues I’ve eaten at across all of North America. I’m so happy it came up as a suggestion on Reddit cause I never would have known to come here otherwise.
On the way back to the train station I managed to duck into Ottobar for a quick peek at their impressive floor-to-ceiling graffitied restrooms. Now this is a cool room to relieve yourself in.
Thanks Baltimore for the stupendous shitters – I really wish I had more time to spend here, one day wasn’t enough. I might be back one day…